This week has been like every other week of my life. Every single crazy stupid moment was mostly brought on by yours truly. Except for the rain, I take no credit for that. Unless…Mother Nature heard me comment numerous times, “The bigger the hair, the closer to God.” Well played Mother nature, well played. Save the recommendations; I have tried all the humidity sprays. The humidity spray just leaves my hair in a sticky mess that looks like a rats nest and makes my gel nails get caught and rip off if I touch it. That’s why I keep them painted red, so you can’t tell if it’s my nails or a bloody nub where I tried to run my fingers through my hair.
It has been raining for 898 days. Seeing as how single and ready to mingle is at a subconscious level now I pulled out (no pun intended) my raincoat that looks like a prophylactic. The never-ending rain has caused so many outdoor projects to be delayed. I will be walking out the door, and the heavens will open up, and all the angels will begin to cry at once. I will have my day all planned out, and everything is ready to go, and nope, it just doesn’t happen. I am beginning to wonder if this is a sign that I should just stay inside and watch the Netflix and order food delivery. This is no longer an option because the food delivery people blocked my address. The degenerate teenagers complained too much. When I pointed out how this was rude to the man-child his response to me was, “Who’s fault is that? You raised me.” Touché
I thought I broke my foot! I had a freak accident and screamed out in intense pain in my own home. No one came to my rescue. The perils of being single. But, I always have a house full of degenerate teenagers, so this is unacceptable. No one even replied to my screams of agonizing pain. I later informed my man-child son that I will be leaving any remaining assets to the sugar baby I am currently taking applications for. Once I calmed down, I realized that the teenagers not coming to my rescue was probably a good thing. I may or may not have dropped my phone on my foot while taking nude selfies for my Christian Mingle dating profile (I kid, I kid).
I got some random DM’s. I love how people want to give you advice. Thank you but no. And the people who pop up after being absent for two years. This is not Hee Haw. I did not yell, “Y’all come back now, ya’ hear.” Nope. You ghosted me once, I’m good. Keep it moving. Does this only happen to single people or is this a problem for everyone?
So yeah, that was my week. My weekly update is a little snippet of what it’s really like when you’re a single hot mess. Nothing ever goes right, but I laugh about it and keep going. Nobody else knows what they’re doing either. Except for Oprah, she knows everything. If she doesn’t, don’t tell me. We all need our guru’s.
Your turn: tell me something funny that happened to you this week.