I went to California on a mission recently. I was so sure that I would come back without my pimp cane. I am so ashamed that I failed and I am still using my cane. I was so determined when I left that I never imagined I would fail. Being a very proud person, when I failed, I went into hiding when I returned. I tried to play it off, but I was so ashamed I had to face the fact that I may be crippled for the rest of my life.
My trip to California is not the first time my pride has taken a hit. After my accident (you can read about it here) when I was in a wheelchair, I stayed positive. I was young, strong, and healthy. I assumed I would go to physical therapy and start walking again in no time. Then I went to physical therapy, and I knew how damaged my body was. Yeah, it hit me that I was actually a cripple person and it hurt. I knew that life was never going to be the same; I got so humbled. But, I never gave up hope, I’m too proud for that.
I walked with a limp, I used a walker, I used a crutch, and now I still use a cane like a pimp. I give up every year for a few weeks because I get so tired. I rest and eat my feelings. I cry and have a pity party while feeling sorry for myself and go silent. Then I remember who the fuck I am. I am a girl who can survive anything. ANYTHING. So I pick myself up and get back to work and keep trying to learn how to walk again because anything is possible. Anything!
Seriously! If I can survive getting hit by a big ass truck, lose 70 pounds, leave a narcissistic crackhead husband, and have an active dating life as a crippled 40ish-year-old, anyone can do anything. So even if it’s not pride that drives you, never give up, anything is possible. ANY-THING!