The Spring Cleaning Of A Borderline Hoarder

Spring Cleaning

It’s Spring, according to the calendar anyway. I live in the South and we get all four seasons in one month. I thought that since it’s Spring, according to the calendar, I would do a little Spring cleaning. I want to clean out some of the old things so I can bring in some fresh new things.

I’m starting with the attic. I am doing a no hold barred clean out. I have 20 years of my life in my attic. Seriously, 20 years. It is absolutely freakin’ ridiculous. It’s starting to look like an episode of Hoarders up there. I actually took this quiz and it said that a hoarding problem is likely. A few things that I will be purging:

  •  Christmas decorations. I have enough to put up 6 trees. I put up one fabulous tree each year that I buy mostly new ornaments for. So, yeah, I need to get rid of some ornaments.
  •  Halloween decorations from 2002. There’s no reason to keep those. They. Are. Bad.
  • A Cornhusker. I inherited this from my parents. I buy corn in a can. This is unnecessary.
  • 12 tall faux houseplants. I think they are dead, I do not have a green thumb.
  • 247 magazines. I just have them, OK?
  • Every box from every electronic that I have purchased in the last 8 years. Just in case. I don’t even have most of the devices any longer.

Spring Cleaning


After the attic, I will be cleaning out my subscriptions. I have a habit of signing up for things, never using them, and staying signed up for 5 years. I give the products away but it’s really a waste of time and money. I have signed up for things like:

  • Beach Body (those shakes taste like chalk)
  • It Works (I have no idea if it does in fact work because it’s still in the box)
  • An anti-aging neck patch (I have never opened these)
  • A monthly cosmetic box (I’m allergic to almost everything scented so I’m too afraid to try most of these products)
  • A monthly subscription to a website training group for something I obviously need to be trained in (I’ve never signed on)

From my subscriptions, I will be moving to my current shoe shelves:

  • Several pairs of heels that pinch my toes. I keep telling myself that I must have eaten a lot of salt and my feet are just swollen. My feet are not swollen. My feet are wide. It’s not the salt. It’s the way my feet naturally are. I will look at these beautiful shoes. I will say some loving and gentle words to my child birthing feet and accept what is.
  • The Uggs I wear in the snow. I have snow boots. They are really cute snow boots too. And considering the probability of getting only 17 snowflakes a year, my one pair of snow boots should suffice. It is time to toss the dingy 4-year-old Uggs.
  • The pointy toe scrunch booties I bought on a whim. I like the color. I do not like the boots. I was on a mad shopping spree in Atlanta. I don’t think I saw anything I didn’t like that day. This is why I prefer to shop on the interweb. I can put things in my cart, let it sit for a minute, and think it over.
  • The sandals that are totally cute but just aren’t my style. I think we’ve all been there. We see something, love it so much that we think we can make it work but then, no. Just, no.

Spring Cleaning

Moving on from the shoe shelves I will be cleaning up the apps on my phone:

  • Solitaire? Why is this on here? I played this when my mother was in the hospital. In the days before I joined the Facebook.  Such a simple life back then.
  • Vero? Did anyone ever figure this out?
  • All the shopping apps that take 18 weeks for delivery and don’t offer free returns. There are too many places that offer better service to settle.
  • Snupps? I don’t even know what this is.
  • kik? No. I do not want to connect with you on another messenger.
  • Kindle for iPhone? The print is way too small.

While I’m here I’m going to clean up my to-do list. All those things I write down that I think are a good idea to do but I know good and damn well I’m never gonna do:

  • Put all my spices in the same size containers so they look neat in the drawer. Who cares? They’re in the drawer. How they look doesn’t affect the taste. I gave up the dream of being Martha Stewart a long time ago.
  • Organize my bookshelves by color. I’m not gonna lie, this would look pretty. But then how do I find the book I’m looking for. I prefer by subject.
  • Catalog the recipes in my cookbooks. I don’t have time for that. If I want a particular recipe then I will search for it online. If I can’t find it in a couple of minutes then I will take that as a sign from the Universe that I should go out to eat.
  • Organize my son’s room for him. I have this idea in the back of my head that I will talk him into letting me organize and decorate his room. I mentioned this to him and we laughed and we laughed. I don’t even go into his room.

Finally, I am going to clean up my habits by:

  • Washing my face every night before I go to bed without fail. I do a pretty good job now except that one night each week. There’s always that one night.
  • Processing my mail every single day. I don’t even open my mail right now. I pay all my bills automatically so I figure if it’s important they will send it again. If it’s really important they will call me. If they don’t have my phone number, then how important can it be? I recently discovered that the tax people don’t call you but they do send a certified letter. This kinda proved my point that opening the mail isn’t totally necessary. But I also discovered a $175 check in my mail last year where I had overpaid a plumber, so I’m going to start opening my mail. Potato/Potatoe
  • Drinking more water. I have read everywhere and heard it from everyone that it’s important. It’s also all over the interweb so it must be true.
  • Making my bed as soon as I wake up each morning. This was a habit for a long time. For some reason, I slipped a few times and it just stopped happening altogether. When my bed is made it is so much easier to keep my room clean. I think it’s the broken window theory.
  • Showering and getting ready immediately after making my bed each morning. I do this almost every day now. But there’s always that one day. When I am dressed and ready to go, my day is much more productive.

Spring Cleaning

After cleaning out so many things that I no longer use I think it’s only fitting to get some things that I will definitely put to good use. Some things that won’t take up as much space in my house or clutter up my mind. I’m thinking tacos and margaritas! After the margaritas, I will probably buy some more shoes on the interweb. I have no self-control.

These are a few ways I am spring cleaning this year. Are you doing any Spring cleaning?

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Photos by: Sherika Mathis Sims

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