Can You Be Happy When You’re BiPolar

CAN YOU BE HAPPY WHEN YOU’RE BIPOLAR

Can you be happy if you’re bipolar? Absolutely! Sometimes, anyway {ha}! I know I shouldn’t poke fun of mental illness, but I totally have it, so it’s my right damnit! And if I don’t laugh about it, I will be curled up in a corner crying all the time, trust me, I’ve been there. Learning to laugh at what should make me cry is the only thing that keeps me going half the time, it’s my dirty little secret.

 

I was diagnosed with manic depression when I was thirteen years old; I was just a baby. They call it bipolar now; I do not know why, I’m not a scientist or a doctor so anything I tell you should totally be taken with a grain of salt, or with a cocktail, or not, booze is a depressant or something so it may be worse for you. Back to the point I was trying to make before my ADD got the better of me, which I was also diagnosed with, yeah, I’m totally mental, but somehow I function, barely, but anyway, what was I saying, oh yeah, I was diagnosed very early in life, and I have been on medication for thirty or so years.

 

Anyway, I have been struggling a little more than usual for a few months, but you know what, that’s okay. I took a break, I reflected, looked inward, asked myself what’s the worst that could happen if I stopped everything and I discovered the answers I was looking for. It took me a minute, and this is the super simple version because I went through massive mood swings, bipolar fucks with you like that. Let me explain how mine goes, I will feel on top of the world and excited about life for extended periods of time and then boom, I will feel empty and depressed and wonder what it’s all for and I will have absolutely no energy.

 

I know my triggers pretty well so I can usually manage extreme mood swings, but I just went through a massive phase of depression. Something happened to me in November, and it was so extreme that the first thought I had was, “I am just going to start doing drugs again.” I didn’t, but I certainly wanted to. The whole event just sent me in a spiral, so maybe I should have started doing drugs, just kidding. I haven’t done drugs in twenty-five years. But it was tempting af in November. Although it’s not fully understood why bipolar disorder makes people more likely to abuse drugs and I definitely had a problem when I was young.

 

I looked around, and I realized that I have absolutely everything I need in my life, I could sell everything and spend the rest of my life traveling if I wanted. Is this what I want? I have already had 18 years of marriage, two different men but it still counts, my child is grown, I did the career thing, so now what? I am in my early 40’s, and I can start over. Am I going through a midlife crisis or having a bipolar episode? I started this blog to share my story because maybe someone else out there was going through the same struggle but sharing this story hurts a little. Being vulnerable is not easy for me.

 

What do I do now? It’s not drugs, although as a recovering addict it’s still tempting every single day of my life. I had my meds adjusted so fingers crossed those to kick in and make me do a happy dance. I have also been going to the gym again, I do not like it, but I know it’s good for me. I am still contemplating selling all my stuff so that I can travel, the man child will be the hardest thing to unload, and he refuses to leave the house, and I do love him, kids have a funny way of giving you a reason to live your best life.

 

 

Have you ever struggled with depression? Tell me how do you handle it in the comments?

 

 

Shop The Post

Tell Me What You Think! leave a comment...

  1. I’m in my late 30’s and still trying to find healthy ways to manage my depression. my hobbies help a little, but Getting out Of the house has been the best Way to lift my spirits thus far. I have to force myself just to take a walk. I have To restrain myself from retreating into my closet to cry. But here i am, lacing up my shoes aNd trying to do whats best for me.

    I honesly know how you feel. Sending You love.

    1. I know exactly how you feel! I have to make myself leave the house every day even if it’s just to go to the grocery store. My doc just added a new med so hopefully, that will help. Love you.

  2. That’S so tough. You are awesome for sharing. I have a feeling more people Go through this than anyone knows. Hope you get a chance to head off and travel after your son is Off doing his thing.

    Xx Jenifer

    1. Thank you! I am begging him to go to Panama City with me for the weekend to escape the rain. I am going to Palm Springs for the Alt. Summit in March and I am going to extend my trip and go to Joshua Tree. I am looking at an Airstream like you recommended so thank you for that. You help more people than you know!

  3. Before selling your things to make that epic journey, be certain you are not doing so merely to run away from life. For me relentless travel is far more appealing in the mind than is it in reality.

    (not sure what’s up with all capital letters)

    1. I love taking trips, I get restless being retired. I never got to travel when I was married to a felon so now I am making up for lost time. The ADD is Attention Deficit Disorder. I left out the periods. Autocorrect really let me down on that one {ha}.

Comments are closed.